Why January Sucks Serious Ass

January is by far and away the very worst month of the year and I’ll tell you why .From the start, January is really nothing but a swift kick in the nads.  If you’re anything like me, your January doesn’t start when the ball descends to zero. It starts waking up to the violent wales of your friend yacking in a bucket at 9 in the morning complaining of a monstrous hangover while you yourself are an uncomfortable mixture of drunk, hungover, and confused.  Despite the excitement of watching the New Year’s classic, chances are your new year’s day is a bed -ridden one full of anguish, pain, realizations, and painful realizations of the previous night’s mishaps.

The month that is commonly referred to as the “Christmas” hangover  is  also the month most of us are forced to return to a reality (high school, college, job). And in this post-Christmas world, everything is the same, except Christmas spirit is replaced with second semester dread, the next event to look forward to is a three day weekend for a civil rights leader, oh and it’s even colder.

That’s right, MORE cold, and unless you’re one of those cold weather loving antichrists, you’re probably pretty depressed about it. In fact, there’s even a fucking type of depression known as Seasonal affective disorder (also called SAD, yeah that’s right, sad) that’s pretty much reserved just for the god forsaken month of January.

 And it makes sense when you think about it, there is really NOTHING to look forward to except the aforementioned three day weekend which is an over the pants pee-pee touch in comparison to the 5 week vacation you just enjoyed. I guess some look forward to their return to school but  these people are quick to wish they were at home watching 22 straight episodes of parks and rec in one day rather than waking up at 830 for their “women before the 19th century” class. 

Just to summarize, unless you have a birthday in the month, you’re the type of douche bag who loves the cold, or your favorite team  is making a run in the playoffs, January is a month that should be reserved for Lucifer himself.