Longboarders. The menace of any universities walkways.The Soulja Boy of convenient personal transportation devices. These ripped jean wearing boggy- puffin speed demons are so far up their own ass that- that…. that they smell like poo! yeah! But seriously fuck em. Rolling down the wrong direction on the pathways with their sea shell necklace and DMB concert tee, blatantly ignoring the universal hallway antique. You’re probably lying if you don't admit to wanting to clothes-line that guy smoking a cig talking loudly on his phone and rolling passed you on his goddamned mini longboard.I get that it turns your ten minute walk to class to a six minute roll but jesus are you all required to show a valid form of doucebaggery identification upon purchase of that satanic contraption?
“Amazon got your request for one dipshat fireball 300 long board, before we can process your order can you please provide 2 valid forms of douche bag identification?” Type type type “Thank you. Doing replays of average dunks and missed free throws in NBA 2k and being a fan of both the Miami Heat and Notre Dame qualifies you as a full on douche bag. Congratulations for your new longboard! Can we also recommend purchasing a subscription to tribal tattoo monthly and handbook on what flip flops go best with a nice pair of jeans?”
So the next time you see a soul-patch rockin, no sleeve wearing dude slander into class wearing his sunglasses indoors and with his longboard at his hip, just remember, he’s a total tool and everyone knows it but him. In the words of the famous poet Thomas Gray, “ignorance is bliss, and longboarders are like super gay.”
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