So you’ve finally come of age or at least appear so on your newly purchased fake ID and are wondering to yourself “How can I have a successful Bar Experience?”. Well you my friend are in the right place cause our friends here at Commonz have some essential tips for you.
Phase 1: The Outfit
There’s no bigger DON’T of a bar outfit that screams under age than the under shirt. The hanes crew neck t shirt that came in a pack of 6 from your grandma needs to be retired asap along with that shirt you’ve been hoping to grow into for the past 4 years. Always remember Undershirt under age.
DO invest in some nice fitting button downs instead of the hand me downs that got you through high school somehow. Those won’t fly here, like any bar it’ll be crowded, and in crowded places you sweat, so unless you wanna look like Leonardo DiCaprio struggling to hold onto the floating door in the Titanic you need ditch them now.
Phase 2: The Pregame
Probably the most important part of your entire experience boils down to your pregame. This is your sink or swim because no one, and I mean NO ONE wants to go to a bar sober. Have you ever been the only sober one at a party before? Hopefully not, but if you have let me warn you I can only imagine this is ten thousand times worse. During your pregame whether you decide on an entertaining 80’s themed power hour or assorted card games your goal is to get a serious buzz on before heading out for the night. If you don’t God save your soul you reckless individual.
Phase 3: The Entourage
DON’T roll up to a bar, or any event for that matter, in a pack of dudes 6 deep. These may be your boys and all but this mistake could send you chasing after that $20 cab that just dropped you off. It’s unwritten code that your chances of getting into a bar increase by 85.7% when you show up with a group of girls. It’s an incentive for the bouncer to let you in. It’s a way for him to reward you of a job well done. He just may overlook how you’re not really 6’ 3” and your inability to grow facial hair despite the 5, 8, and 10 o’clock shadow in your photo. As long as they aren’t a band of Silverback Gorilla’s you should be in the clear.
Phase 4: The Promised Land
You’ve made it! After several failed attempts you’ve actually made it inside the bar and have reached the 4th and final phase. First things first get a drink in your hand. There’s nothing wrong with the $2 Coors light bottle as long as you DO tip the bartender. If you take care of them they’ll be sure to reward you with some free shots later which will definitely make an impression on that girl you’ve been trying to get with all semester. Next step claim your territory with your friends making sure to have stake in the bar for returning trips for drinks and ample dancing space. When all of this is settled you can venture and scope out the local product while always returning to your safe zone where you’ll be welcomed with open arms and out of key renditions of whatever song the DJ has been playing for the past month.
Well there you have it a comprehensive list of how to have a successful bar experience. If you follow these guidelines closely you’ll be sure to bring home the girl of your dreams from psych 101 that sits one row up and 5 seats over. If you need more tips on what to wear check out our previous article here.
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