What’s the one piece of glorified furniture that can be found in roughly 25 percent of households and primary collects dust? You know, that large object nobody in the family knows the purpose for? Well if you guessed the Wheelharp you are sadly mistaken and may god have mercy upon your soul. The instrument I am referring to is the piano, the ol’ black and whites, ebony and ivory. That old grand piano in the corner of your mud room may actually be your ticket to ending that 6 week slump you’ve been bitching to your friends about. And i’m not saying you need to become the next Andy Amadeus. One song. Just one song will do it. Preferably slow emotional and fairly easy to learn. Here’s your hypothetical, future poon slayer. You’re at a house party and you spot that marvelous 88 key behemoth eyeing you down. You start to play a few keys just to mess around but then most assuredly a white girl will ask “do you really play?!” you nod ever so suavely. She’ll urge you to play and so will her neighboring friends. It’s important to decline this request the first three times or so. “The more you tell people they can’t have something the more they’ll want it, it’s the stupidest fucking thing.”- Christian Bale, American Hustle. Once you’ve accepted the request to serenade the surrounding audience, the music will be lower and all eyes will be on you. Game time. Time to show em what those 4 hours playing on your brothers keyboard and watching youtube videos was for. You play the same rift in session four times with little to no variation. No matter how simple the tune or how average your singing voice is, the crowd will still be more than swooned by your confidence. Hearts will melt, panties will drop, and the one kid who actually knows how to play the piano is pretty fucking pissed that you’ll be taking his girl home. Hypothetical over.
-Results may vary
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